Why Am I Attracted to This?

A little while ago the trailer for An Education came across my desk, probably because it was nominated for three Academy Awards.



The film, starring Carey Mulligan, tells the story of a British school girl who runs off to Paris. I watched the trailer once, then again a few days later, and then a time or two more. The question that kept floating in the back of my mind was, Why am I attracted to this?

I am a traditionalist in my ideology and a conservative by temperament. I favor old stuffy schools and extensive planning; I oppose both extramarital affairs and spontaneous trips to Paris. So why am I so intrigued? Am I simply that big of a sucker for love stories? Is it the British accents that do me in? Or, as a friend suggested, do I simply "crave a little spontaneity in [my] very busy, structured and cerebral life"?

In addition to my own personal questions, there are larger ones in the background: Why are we ever attracted to things that are different from us? Simply a break from monotony? The glamor of evil? The light of truth? Perhaps even deeper than that, what is attraction? I don't mean that in a definitional sense, but an anthropological one. What is going on inside a person when he becomes attracted to something? Clearly this is different from attachment, and yet, there is something of that here, when we can't seem to look away. In a world full of stimuli, why do some things, even relatively unimportant things, catch our eye?

On Attraction

A while back I happened upon a note on Facebook by a gal complaining that women who aim for purity and eschew casual sex and drunkenness are "ignored by guys." "I used to wear more frumpy clothes and no makeup," she explained. "These kind of actions get guys to be friends," but romantic interest is slim. "But if a female is drinking, being sexy by her dancing or clothes this is the woman that men try to get." It is a complaint I have heard before, in one form or another, so I thought I would share my response with the wider blogosphere:

I think you've rather misrepresented the kind of attention men give. Singer/songwriter Rosie Thomas has one of the most amazing voices I have ever heard. When she's singing, that is. When she's talking she sounds, well, dorky at best. Her fashion sense is... not exactly hip. Last summer, when announcing on the news section of her website that she would be getting married, she wrote, "I was ready to adopt 14 cats and 10 children and then Mr. Shoop came along."

By the "usual" standards, she would seem a fairly unattractive gal. But, on the contrary, I think mine was not the only heart just a little bit broken when I saw she was tying the knot. She's a very attractive gal, not because she dresses in some sexy outfit or saunters about the stage.

She's attractive because of the personal bits of outtakes she includes on the end of tracks. You can hear her laughing, kidding around with her friends. You think, "This is someone I'd like to know."

She's attractive because you quickly realize that the woman you see and hear is a real woman, not a personality manufactured by her agent. She sells hand-made crafts and knitting and things she's done after shows. What kind of self-respecting recording artist does that?!? But this is who she is.

And she's attractive because she cares about other people. Her latest album ends with a whole track of her thanking family, friends and fans for their support, and wishing them all the best. Last year a friend of mine was able to attend a show that I was not, but picked up a CD and mailed it to me. On the inside was a note that read, "Aaron - Merry Christmas! You are loved. ♥ Rosie." Not only did she take the time to write it, but you believe it might be true.

I'd write all this off a my own crazy personality, but I've heard the same from other fans: Rosie is the real deal, and that's highly attractive.

And it's not just Rosie Thomas. Real women who are kind, sincere, thoughtful and maybe just a little goofy are DEEPLY attractive, and anyone who is worth having around will tell you as much.

Don't settle for cheap attention; it's not worth it. And anyone who really wants your attention will happily strive for purity, for your sake and his.